It’s that time of year where our social media feeds become saturated with pictures of beautiful autumn leaves. The message is always the same: this is the time of year to let go. Let go of what doesn’t serve you, just like the trees shed their leaves in the autumn.
As easy as that!
Or is it?
Well, it’s a nice sentiment, and most of us have something we think we SHOULD let go of – yet most of us will read it, like the post and move on without changing a single thing.
And, if it was that easy, do you not think we would already have done it by now?
So, what stops us?
We like the idea of letting go.
We might even want to.
Most of the time, we just don’t know how.
Why?
Because we’re taught to look in the wrong direction.
We’re taught to change things on the outside of us: change our circle of friends, change our relationships, change our job, change this or that.
But we all know people who have done this – who have left one relationship only to find themselves in another one where the only thing that’s changed is the other person’s name.
I did it myself: in relationships and in my career too. Stuck in pattern, recreating the same problem in a different location.
Then we’re bombarded with well intentioned, but misguided memes that preach “just do it” and when we can’t ‘just do it’, we think there’s something wrong with us.
-That we’re weak willed – if only we had more willpower.
- That we’re less capable than others who seem to be able to do it effortlessly – if only we had more skills or more resilience
And then when we don’t change, we draw conclusions about what that means about who we are.
We get caught up in a shame spiral and we stop trying, and start feeling helpless, saying things like “That’s just the way I am.”
But that’s not true.
We’re not broken or a lost cause. We don’t lack skills or resilience.
We’re just stuck in a pattern of behaviour that is underwritten by beliefs about ourselves that are so ingrained & habitual that they’re not even visible to us.
Beliefs that sound like “I’m not good enough”, “That’s not for the likes of me” and “I can’t do that”……………..
They are like the vines in the undergrowth of the forest that have wound their way tightly around our ankles, keeping us stuck to the spot and unable to move forward and change.
And the way to let go? We need to uncover vines before we can release them. We need to be a detective and search out those beliefs, bringing them into our conscious awareness.
We need to change the focus of our attention from things on the outside of us, and take a look inside ourselves.
Look inside, without shame or blame, uncovering the vines and understanding how they influence our feelings & behaviour.
And then, once we see it, we can’t unsee it.
As we see what’s truly holding us back, we can let go of those beliefs and truly change our life from the inside out.
So, change is not about the leaves on the trees, it’s about the vines in the undergrowth.
It’s not “Are you ready to let go?”
It’s “Are you ready to look deeper?”
So.
Are you ready to look deeper?
If you want to change something and you’re ready for a deeper conversation that will help you to uncover the invisible beliefs that have stopped you making a change so far, please get in touch to see how I can help.