World Menopause Day
October 18th is World Menopause Day, which coincides with my eldest son coming to the end of his first half term at high-school, and I’m thinking a lot about transitions.
It’s been 6 short weeks of homework, getting the bus to school, moving around school, being a small fish in a very big pond, learning to use email, budgeting his lunch money and owning a set of house keys. It also featured: a lost blazer, a forgotten apron, late homework, late marks to class and a sports injury.
And he’s shattered.
And it’s not just him who’s shattered – it’s us too.
Because it’s not just one person who’s in transition – it’s all of us:
- It’s his younger brother – now alone at primary school for the first time. We’d always been slightly concerned that he was overshadowed by his extrovert, natural born leader brother. We thought that being on his own in school would allow him to come out of himself and shine. But he misses his big brother, feeling lost without someone to follow and be there for him.
- And we’re adjusting too. It’s not until you need to do it that you realise you don’t know how to contact the rugby teacher early on a Saturday morning because your son is too poorly to play in the match.
- And it’s not just the practical challenges, it’s been emotionally challenging too. Allowing the reigns to loosen as he starts hanging out with his new friends after school, going into the local town on his way home or chatting on WhatsApp. Maybe Goldilocks could advise us how much freedom is just the right amount?
And, if that wasn’t enough, we’re learning to navigate the ups and downs of our pre-teen child. Our kind, smiley, funny, emotionally stable & predictable youngster, has given way to a less predictable boy who oscillates between Kevin The Teenager attitude one moment and snuggles & chatting happily the next.
I can’t remember my own transition to secondary school. As far as I can recall, I just stopped going to one school one day and started going to another school 6 weeks later. No prom, no leaver’s assembly, no pomp, ceremony or expectation that it was anything other that just what you did next – typical of 1980’s ‘on yer bike’ Britain.
Both myself & my husband were brought up to just get on with it. We’ve consciously brought our kids up the same in the hope that it will help them develop the resilience they’ll need in their future.
Despite this, over the summer I felt pulled between looking backwards and looking forwards.
➡ Backwards where half of me had some sadness that those cute, chubby faced moments were in the past, the other half of me pleased to have left them behind.
➡ Forwards where half of me was not quite sure how to navigate the unknown territory of the teenager and the other half of me looking forward to adventure, travel and doing more grown up stuff again.
Like all parenting lessons, experience is the greatest teacher and all my insights have only ever been gained in the rear view mirror, leaving me with that feeling of always being slightly behind the curve of change.
So, we can look back now and realise how much of a transition it has been and how much support has been necessary to keep our little corner of the world running smoothly.
And, once again, I’m reminded that change is the only constant and we’re always in a transition of some kind.
The transition to menopause
Whether it’s progression to high school, the patter of tiny feet, the sound of silence of the empty nest or the clang as our hormones leave us in our 40’s & 50’s, we’re always in transition.
Our natural stages & events of life ebbing & flowing and, as we reach midlife, frequently colliding. Our anchors loosening their grip, sometimes casting our boat adrift, away from the shore and from what we have known.
But maybe we’re meant to be explorers, discovering new shores. Maybe the anchors have served their purpose – allowed us to provide the stability our family need and deserve – and we no longer need them in the way that we used to.
And just as my son is starting to discover who he really is, then maybe the kindness in the design of midlife is that this too is just what we need? To unshackle ourselves from the roles we’ve played and things we’ve grown out of. To rediscover person who lies beneath and get back to who we truly are.
A transition to another beginning. Not the end.
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