“Deeds not words” Emmeline Pankhurst.
Since I turned 50 earlier this year, I’ve been in reflective mode.
More ‘how can I make the next phase of my life great’ rather than ‘how the f@&* did I get here’
I’ve been thinking about what the 50 year old Debs can do differently to make this a reality rather than a pipe dream.
I’ve also been reading a book about Gen Xers – about how we’re the invisible generation, sandwiched between the boundary pushing baby boomers and the boundary redefining Millennials.
We’re portrayed as a generation where things are harder for us than for women in generations before and after.
Really?
I remember seeing my mum use a twin tub. She parented in a generation before CBeebies, Amazon prime, 24 hour shopping and mobile gadgets that help while away the numerous hours at the side of the football pitch or swimming pool.
So I call BS on it being more difficult for us Gen Xers.
But I do agree that it’s different for our generation.
Just as it’s different for Millennials and every generation of women that follow. Different generation, different problems.
The real question is, are we making progress? Are we eliminating discrimination generation by generation?
IMO we are. Not quickly enough, but we are.
We’re progressive by nature. Raising our own kids to be empowered, to expect more, to be more, to do more, to have more.
But yet we forget that our children learn more by what we do ourselves than by what we tell them to believe or do.
Our actions speak louder than our words.
And i see far too many of us struggling:
Struggling to:
- Set boundaries and to stop tolerating
- Say ‘me also’ rather than ‘me last’ when it comes to self care
- Call out everyday sexism
- Ask for help & support
Continuing to:
- Apologise: at the start of sentences, when we express our opinion or for being ourselves
- Be invisible – doing invisible work for little or less reward, playing down our achievements & experiences, doubting ourselves, not going for it
- Play small – not speaking out, being afraid to shine, lowering our standards to fit in, people pleasing
I’m not letting ‘society’ off the hook, it’s just that we can’t always change the world directly, but we can change how we show up in the world.
And changing how we show up in the world will change how our kids show up in the world.
And that is what will change the world. Generation by generation.
Change always starts with us. Because that’s the only thing we ever have control over.
Nobody will give us something we don’t expect for ourselves. That we don’t think or behave like we’re worthy of.
So, that advice you’d give to your 20 year old self.
Go out there and be it in the world today.